nice to clear that out.

i got to talk to kat today/tonight and got to clear up some issues.. nice to have that out.^_^ anyway, hehe kita mo nga were talking right now oh hehe.. nice to get to talk to somebody.^_^

anyway.. i got surprised today while i was browsing through friendster. one of my cousins, no mention of the name nlang, who is barely a year older than me, is already a father. i was so shocked. i wouldn't want to post the pic of them here nlang because it's disrespectful pero i was just shocked. he is a father already. i never knew. i can't even think straight! waaa i don't know now.. why is it that it's like acceptable already? i don't know. i'd love to have a baby now hehe.. pero in reality, i'm still thinking of my future noh. i can't support it, can't feed it with just my own money. i will not sacrifice the quality of life i want my child to grow in just because. haay. i am feeling mixed emotions too. un nga, shock.. disbelief.. and he's only a year ahead of me! the baby it seems pa looks like he's almost a year old soo.. does that mean, he made the baby at 17.. arrived at 18.. and now? unimaginable. i can't imagine myself like that. i want a certain future, something which i could be proud of. pero diba nga, i remember before, i was saying, gusto ko ung mgging anak ko prang barkada ko lang. ung gusto nya gusto ko din, share ng secrets, ung anak ko will treat me as his/her bestfrend. i never got to share my secrets with my mom. i nver was comfortable telling my mom what i felt really. i want to be the perfect mother to my future kid. i know i won't be able to provide that if i were still studying.. still growing myself. i want to be able to teach him what is right and what is wrong, which i can't say when i too am still figuring that out. i am too young to be a mother. but when that time comes, i will be the best mother i could be.^_^

red and i are okay now. i hope. i still have certain reservations about it, but, i'm setting my pride aside. if he is not telling the truth.. well, be it on his conscience.^_^ between him and the internet, i'd choose him anyday.^_^