i will start posting pictures with my entries soon. i've looked at my blog before april and it looked like a long electronic novel. haha. i've got to shake things up here.. less of the past and more of the current. i want color, vibrancy, life. i don't want blandness, idleness, nothing. oh well. i still need to experience life.


oohh look at what i baked yesterday. yummy.

crazy and confused.

easter weekend. well, it was a nice weekend spent with family.. singing songs in the car, eating our hearts out in the buffet, surprise egghunting, you know those stuff. went bisita iglesia-ing. which was okay. humm.. a nice respite from being cooped up in the house. a respite from going online only to argue with somebody.

i'm getting tired of it already. sometimes, it's like i don't feel anything anymore. i don't feel hurt, anger, frustration, nor love. just, nothing. i don't want to feel that way about this relationship. i've invested so much into it -- time, emotions, money, a lot. but then, when is enough enough? i know i should have asked this a long time ago, but it's really hard when you love a person. accepting him as he is.. thoughts muddled by love.. it's hard. but it's just so hard loving a person who has completely opposite ideals as i do. someone who wants to put our relationship first before anything -- before family, studies, having a life. i know in a way that's ok, you wouldn't wonder if he's cheating on you or not. but there just comes a point when i just choke. when i can't take it anymore. when i need other people too. as i told him.. "man does not live on bread alone." i can't live on him alone. if i don't see a change in his ideals soon, i just don't know if i could continue anymore. i've told him countless of times what my ideas are. the ball is in his court not mine. i know that i am perfectly fine, normal, sane. but he.. he cannot accept that he's wrong, that there's something wrong with him. haay. i just don't know anymore. i just don't know..

new background. hehe just wanted a change. more brighter.

helo there.

well, it's been a LONG time since the last time i've blogged here. just had to pick up on stuff, be detached, be normal. i don't know, this blog reminds me of bad emotions.. everytime i felt bad about something i'd blog about it here. only kat and kuya jau really went to this blog but i don't know if they still do because well, they're busy with each other. can't blame them though, they're happy eh hehe. good for them. well, wala lang maybe that's why i let off from this din.. sometimes when i blog here and they comment, they sometimes say things that really, don't make me feel better. no offense to them, they're great, pero sometimes it's just.. it's unconsoling hehe. pero i'm still glad for them.. kasi sila lang naman tlagang npagkkwentuhan ko ng lahat. hehe.

somehow, i miss my old friendship with kat. ung kami lang haha walang boyfriends hehe. when we would tell each other everything. i think we still do, well i do.. pero syempre there are stuff na sa boyfriend mo nalng masabi and ganun. la lang, msarap ung feeling na wow ako ung tnrust nya with her secrets ung ganun hehe. haay.. totoo nga ung sa human growth class ko.. as people enter late adolescence, mas priority na nila ang intimate relationships meaning boy-girl things. kpag middle adolescence, friendships pa ang mas priority, pero in that stage, prang it's building up ung friendships na un. oh well, so much for the lecture.:D

i watched the hills in mtv, ung whole season nya.. and guess what it reminded me of? huhu.. it reminded me of kat and me. eto kasi ung story nya.. dun sa start nung season, lauren and heidi just moved in together in their own apartment. they were the best of friends.. tapos heidi started seeing this guy, spencer and they started getting close. at first, lauren was all okay with it. tapos dumating ung time na lauren was not for spencer anymore. heidi was prang prioritizing spencer na more than lauren.. prang even if roommates nga sila wala nman prati si heidi. so lauren started going out with other friends, and even like started being distant to heidi. may mga times nga na kpag nghangout sila ksama ng ibang friends si heidi leftout na xa. so un.. pero even though minsan nman they bond parin.. pero nung ending prioritize ni heidi si spencer and moved out from her and lauren's apartment. ouch.

prang wala lang.. i really saw kat and me as them. i'll admit, prang ako si heidi huhu. prang tlagng pnprioritize ko si red prati. may time na nging distant kami ni kat.. tapos nung prang dumating sakin ang realization na kat is important too, aun bond bond ulit hehe. tapos nman ng mgkaboyfriend si kat aun may times na distant ulit hehe. aus lang nman eh part of growing up.. i just hope la lang, na kat will still be a part of my life, willingly diba hehe. panget naman ung prang ako nlang ung feeling na bestfriend ko padin xa. huhu that would suck really.

red and i are.. well, we are fine. i mean, walang away as of now.. pero i am still unsure kng uuwi ako. haay.. naisip ko, kpag i do go home, i might/probably lose my part-time job. kng legal sana akong mgwork that would be no problem kasi i could find work some other place. pero hindi eh. tapos may oppurtunity pa na prang mganda.. i mean, it's school stuff pero mgaadd sa credentials diba. haay. maybe this is really the time na mgfocus kami on schoolwork. cguro kaya ganito gnawa ni lord hehe. everything happens for a reason nga dba? oh well. will post often na here. kahit na walang mgbasa aus lang. i missed writing.