anyway, this month has been quite dull for me. me and red? I don't know. i don't really know. we're 'us' but we don't talk often. when i'm free, he's either out of load or doing something. he doesn't text me often too.. go figure. no load. i try to understand, i honestly do. but i can't stay in love with someone who's invisible. he's like invisible to me already.. i try to stay in love but he's not helping one tiny bit. what does he do to make me want to stay in love? does he constantly text or email just to let me know that he needs me too? nope. he says he's being loyal and stuff, doing this and that for us, but i don't see it sorry. this relationship, is so starting to get hopeless.
i've started playing ragnarok again. in chaos hehe. there i get to play with kat, kuya jau and all the other people there. initially, i wanted to make a character for red, but, he seems to not be online anytime at all so, split decision there. pff..
there was this "journal entry" (i.e. journal entry in quotes because i just wrote one entry in that notebook then stopped. hehe.) that i just recently uncovered and it quite disturbed and stirred some lost emotions i had before. here's a quote from it..
"with him at least, i have fun. with red, i have fun for a few days and then we fight again. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of his jealousy."
haay. i've been through a lot with red but honestly, A LOT of it aren't good memories. we've had awful fights, which most of the time led to me begging for his forgiveness even when i didn't know what the problem was. Right now, maybe what's making me hold on is his "love" for me. he says that his love for me will last forever and ever. that even if i do decide to break up, i'd be the "only" girl he would love truly. i honestly don't know. haay.
i missed blogging in this blog. this has been my outlet, mostly of problems. i just have to write them down. keeping them in will do me no good. so i write.. and i pour my being, into cyberspace and beyond.
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