I feel so low.. need i say more?

Well, I don't know ANYONE who ever visits this site anymore so, i will blog here again. This is where I blog when I don't want just anyone I know to just read.

I'm feeling so down right now. as in REALLY DOWN. Tapos Kuya Jau pa made kwento about his plan to stay in the Philippines na when he goes home later this year. Not that I don't want Kat and Kuya Jau together, I want them together!, it's just it made me feel so bad about myself. Why can't I do the same? Why can't Red and I be together? How long are we going to wait.. I can't wait any longer. And it doesn't help that I don't get to talk with Red that often. He doesn't go online, and if he does, not for a long time. He goes online like.. humm, past midnight my time? Sometimes I fall asleep waiting, on other occasions, he can't go online even when I wait. How long can I stay like this? I love him a lot, but do I love him enough? I hope there doesn't come a time when I regret all the things we've had together, because I wouldn't want to blame me or him for anything. Lucky Kat and Kuya Jau..

Another thing that is keeping me down, is well my mom and dad. Don't want to elaborate, but it goes like this. My dad is cheating on my mom. Dad doesn't want to say sorry, even blaming my mom for "loving him too much". Now how stupid is that? Mom, on the other hand, just keeps on getting crazier and crazier each day. And me? In the middle. Well, it's not like i'm gonna forgive my dad in any near lifetime, but my mom is driving me crazy too. Paranoia, complaining, and everything else, I don't know until when I could stand it. Help me, will you?

Another is.. well, money. Or otherwise, lack of. It sucks.. blame it on my dad. And my mom kinda. Well, my dad went to the Philippines for two months for "my grandfather's death". Anywho, father kept asking for money, saying that it wasn't enough. Mother kept giving, thinking that it wasn't enough, according to what father said. Where do they get the money, I might ask? Where do they get the money that they do not have? ME. Oh how swell, since my money is conveniently in my mother's account why not use it, noh? Oh how convenient. And me the daughter, well what right do I have to refuse now, right? Now, my mother is complaining we do not have money, credit cards almost filled to the brim, and where is my money? Probably spent on some Filipino tramp/whore. Oh no, life is good for my father. Let us all starve to death.

And connected to that.. my birthday is this week. And just when I would want to spend something for myself, what do I use? Air? Water? "Oh no, got no money, we have to scrimp." Yey, Happy Birthday to me, indeed.

Hehe. And Red, on the other hand, Red my boyfriend who I have been bugging for a year now to send me something, even just a card, is not sending me a card. Reminded him more than a month ago, to make me one, since he hasn't sent me a card for my last birthday. But no. Well, I think not. Getting something from him for my birthday will be the joy of me, but, I am not expecting anything so sorry, no joy haha.

Happy Birthday to me, everyone. 'Happy' Birthday indeed.