uhmm..

i've just read that blog kat sent me to read. humm. i think she made it for me. i don't know whether to feel happy or what hehe.. pero thanks kat.. it didn't say what i should do or anything.humm.. anyway, haay red is my intimidator, no doubt. but then there's my dad too but that is an entirely different story. red has this need for control, this belief that yes he is the man, he should be in control. hehe i don't know what led him to think this way, pero sana, he never had this stick-thorn in his personality. the red that i know, and have loved, is really a nice person. hehe you might think otherwise pero that's maybe because all the negative is focused. he cared so much for me and that is what stuck in my head. i saw the other side, now i've seen both sides of him. the bad and the good. pero ngaun prang ung naffocus nlang ung bad side nya sa ibang tao and that doesn't quite sit well with me. oo nga hehe mgkaaway kami ngaun, but he is still my boyfriend and i love him. hehe i feel stupid nga kasi in a way, i still want to protect him. i'm weird, aren't i? anyway, ala lang it feels wrong na people think it crazy to stay with somebody who is like red. kasi, that isn't the only side to him eh.

haay hehe diba i have to understand, be in the place of that person to understand him? hehe maybe that's what makes me wonder and think na, kawawa naman xa. this is what i think.. since lam mo un iniwan ko xa dun and he couldn't do anything about it, lam mo un he's defenseless eh prang even if he wanted with all his might to make me stay, he couldn't. kaya hehe maybe this is his way of making me stay. i've left him na before and ngaun prang ung gusto lang nya is my attention. he just needs my attention..

Thank you kat for that blog, post, thing hehe. thanks so much for caring.^_^ i am lucky to have kat as my best friend.^_^ anyway grr, it's 10:15 and my class is 11.. told myself na i'd study beforehand o diba bagong routine hehe. prang, ung time na hindi ko nkkausap si red, iaaral ko nalang. i promised him before this semester that i would work hard for this semester, to prove na hindi ako t****. pero now i realize, i don't need to prove anything to anybody, not even red. the only person i have anything to prove to is.. MYSELF. hehe.

this has been one whacked rollercoaster ride and i am very thankful that i have had the support of good friends. thanks kat and kuya jau.. thanks nikole for the occasional kwentos. and especially, i'd still want to thank red, because even with all the fights and tampuhans, even if we are still at it now, i know we've been through so much that the mere memory of those events, comforts me. Thank you Lord for the gift of people and friends.