uhmm..

i've just read that blog kat sent me to read. humm. i think she made it for me. i don't know whether to feel happy or what hehe.. pero thanks kat.. it didn't say what i should do or anything.humm.. anyway, haay red is my intimidator, no doubt. but then there's my dad too but that is an entirely different story. red has this need for control, this belief that yes he is the man, he should be in control. hehe i don't know what led him to think this way, pero sana, he never had this stick-thorn in his personality. the red that i know, and have loved, is really a nice person. hehe you might think otherwise pero that's maybe because all the negative is focused. he cared so much for me and that is what stuck in my head. i saw the other side, now i've seen both sides of him. the bad and the good. pero ngaun prang ung naffocus nlang ung bad side nya sa ibang tao and that doesn't quite sit well with me. oo nga hehe mgkaaway kami ngaun, but he is still my boyfriend and i love him. hehe i feel stupid nga kasi in a way, i still want to protect him. i'm weird, aren't i? anyway, ala lang it feels wrong na people think it crazy to stay with somebody who is like red. kasi, that isn't the only side to him eh.

haay hehe diba i have to understand, be in the place of that person to understand him? hehe maybe that's what makes me wonder and think na, kawawa naman xa. this is what i think.. since lam mo un iniwan ko xa dun and he couldn't do anything about it, lam mo un he's defenseless eh prang even if he wanted with all his might to make me stay, he couldn't. kaya hehe maybe this is his way of making me stay. i've left him na before and ngaun prang ung gusto lang nya is my attention. he just needs my attention..

Thank you kat for that blog, post, thing hehe. thanks so much for caring.^_^ i am lucky to have kat as my best friend.^_^ anyway grr, it's 10:15 and my class is 11.. told myself na i'd study beforehand o diba bagong routine hehe. prang, ung time na hindi ko nkkausap si red, iaaral ko nalang. i promised him before this semester that i would work hard for this semester, to prove na hindi ako t****. pero now i realize, i don't need to prove anything to anybody, not even red. the only person i have anything to prove to is.. MYSELF. hehe.

this has been one whacked rollercoaster ride and i am very thankful that i have had the support of good friends. thanks kat and kuya jau.. thanks nikole for the occasional kwentos. and especially, i'd still want to thank red, because even with all the fights and tampuhans, even if we are still at it now, i know we've been through so much that the mere memory of those events, comforts me. Thank you Lord for the gift of people and friends.

shoot i'm bored.

haay. this is the way it's gonna be for 4 months. 3 headaching hours of waiting for my next class. haay. bored. super. i am currently listening to the osts of full house and goong, but then i'm tired of it na hehe no offense. i am not up to date na with any other songs.. haha eto naalala kong song, Paalam Na. rachel alejandro. currently listening to it na. is this an indication of something? i can't remember any tagalog songs na.. mymp lang.. can't even remember that song i liked na sabi ni kat, ung song>.< ano ba un? P.. p.. PANALANGIN!!!!!! shet took a lot of effort just to remember that.

haay. it's really stupid pero mgkaaway nnaman kami ni red. it's getting really stupid. know why si red ngalit this time? KASI ganito. class ko is 11 pero no one could bring me so mga 9 nsa skul na ko. eh sa skul ang alam ko hindi pede ang ragnarok. so sabi ko, YM tayo mgusap. di un no prob diba? sabi nya di daw pede "sira daw YM ng buong pilipinas." ano ako tanga? so di snabi ko eh bat knina pgtingin ko sa ym ko 10 na tao online? di cue tanong nman xa, "o bat ka online sa ym may kausap ka noh?" sabi ko nman, wala nga eh automatic na ngopen ym ko kpag bukas ng comp which is true nman. di sabi nya, sira daw ym nila sa shop saka wlang ym sa server kasi dun ung gngamit nya eh libre. di pilit ako ng pilit, xempre un sana ung way pano kami mguusap eh. di ang sabi, "bakit ba pingppilitan mo ung YM?! may kausap ka dun noH? bat ba hindi nilang dito(ragnarok) mgusap anong problema dito?? alam mo, hindi porket hindi ka nakkita pede mo na gawin lahat ng gusto mo." sabi pa nya, edi ausin ko daw ung chikka ko ganun ganun. eh ano ngang mggawa ko eh sampung beses ko na install tangal ayaw nga eh putik. di un bsta galit. shet. I'M SOO TIRED OF THIS. GRABE. HEHE. ako na nga ung sanang nghhanap ng way para mkapagusap kami AKO PA UNG MASAMA!!!!!!!!!!! shet grabe grabe. konti nlang cguro mgkkaron din akong high blood! haha. anyway, i am so tired of it. hehe ako nman parati ung malandi, ung nghhanap ng ibang lalake, WHATEVER. ako naman parati ung masama whatever the situation might be. basta mgaway, kasalanan ko. ako ako ako. kasalanan ko na nkkipagusap ako sa ibang lalake. kasalanan ko na hindi kami nkkapagusap. "it's all up to you beb, kng titino ka o ano.." SHET NMAN. why does it have to be me??

nung isang beses ako daw ung masama. alam ko naman daw kung san xa hahanapin bat hindi ako ng online sa ragnarok. why do i always have to go and be the one who's wrong and supposed to say sorry. why me? hehe wag ko daw gawing sheild ung pagging babae ko or whatever nung ngaaway kami. what?! haha wag ko daw sabihing hindi nya ako nirerespeto kasi ako naman daw ngppush sa kanya na gawin mga ganun. SEEE!! KASALANAN KO PA NGAUN KNG BAKIT AKOK MINUMURA AT TINATAWAG NA MALANDI? nice.

sorry at nglalabas lang ako ng mga hinanakit, both present and past. sometimes, i just don't want to accept it anymore. i'm tired of it. sobra. but then, here's the totally stupid part. even if ganun, countless aways, i don't know what keeps me coming back. it's stupid really. shet.

kanina i just didn't bring my laptop. i'm not going through all that effort noh, wala din naman pala akong mapapala. let's see ha. my guess is kng hindi ko xa kausapin ako nnaman ung masama. wild guess lang ha? at saka, he'll say na parati naman xa andun nghhintay, na hindi ko xa hinahanap kasi masaya naman ako. this is all a cycle. shit. i don't know how long i can take being with somebody who the hell doesn't trust me.

oh and saka pala first whole day ko in school ngaun. i got to meet a filipino. name's giezel? bsta ganun. oh well. will probably make kwento once the headache is gone. haha this is a full throbbing headache now. haha i have a habit na nga of bringing medicine in my bag. good. i can drink medicine. hope that calms my nerves. yet another long blog. haay. i'm so tired of this talaga.

Lord help me naman po. i know Lord that my boyfriend is an unromantic, strict, close-minded and jealous person, pero help me po through it. i do not want to say no, but somebody in me is saying otherwise. i'm tired na po kasi Lord eh, please give me renewed strength and courage.


Pabo Diane.

the song from Goong.

sorry nalang sa mga taong hindi mkanood kasi wlaang youtube!! wahahahha. anyway i like this song, sad true, i don't like yul that much. Chaegyung is for Shin. kaya wag ka kasi epal noh? hahahaha. But Yul is nice, yoko lang ung xa. gets? hahahaha. joke. i love ung part na ngsshout sila nung may train, it was so sweet.

anyway, klangan ko na maligo shet!!! hahaha. 11:30 and i have to be at work by 12. wish me luck. i hate work.

well, this sucks.

haha. wala ang panget ng title. anyway, I THINK i have sore eyes. have the symptoms eh.. red swollen eyes, muta (haha di ko alam sa english un eh! humm...), feverish and lack of energy.. uhm are the latter ones symptoms din? haha. anyway, i didn't go to Mass, bad me. well, i was "sick" haha. eh kasi nman eh, grrr i hate it! I DO NOT WAKE UP TO ALARM CLOCKS!!!!!!!! ganun ba ako kabatugan?! hahaha. ung ibang tao pa ang nggising sa alarm ko sa room! grr. nkaset na 7:30 sana ako mgisng pero 9 na ako ngising grr. useless alarm clocks.

anyway, i got to talk with red hehe. which leads to the reason i did not go to Mass. haay haay. woke up at 9 pero Mass was at 11. eh last night i slept quite early na din because my eyes were all puffed so, ayun i felt guilty naman and i wanted to talk with him. i wish the spark would go back hehe. i mean, i need sparks!! electricity! haha. well, red kasi is, unromantic. hehe, that's harsh coming from his girlfriend pero in reality, ganun eh, i have to settle with that. he is very interested in playing ragnarok. grr. ako, i play ragnarok to be with him. haha kaya nga hindi na nglelevel char ko eh! because i don't play it without him. hehe. anyway, sometimes quite a few minutes will pass without words. concentrate on the game, concentrate. hehe kanina nga, prang i was a zombie na.. GLORIA! GLORIA! gloriaaaa... gloriaa... hehe. anyway, kanina cguro nafeel nya na i was not 'into' it, kaya, sabi bigla, gusto mo sa town nlang tayo? and of course i said yes hehe. pero fate just wouldn't go the right way soo, poof! sira ang server ng shop! grr. but we did get to talk naman, a little hehe. nung first he wanted me to sleep na kasi sabi ko my eye nga was hurting. pero i wanted to stay.. i don't want to be the "invisible" girlfriend anymore. i'll be there, i want him to feel my presence.

oohh guess what. i weighted myself kahapon and guess what!!!!!!! i lost weight!!! unbelievable!!! hahaha. anyway, i don't know if dahil lang un sa baka sira ung weighting scale or what, pero the feeling was GREAT. haha OA ako, eh wala lang. holiday season and i lost weight? hehe ang galing lang. maybe starving myself does work haha. joke. well eh kasi yesterday i got up from the bed almost 5 na in the afternoon. hahaha. yes i did!! i didn't think i went for the bathroom even! thank you laptop!!! haha. with you *laptop*, my bed is my universe!!! hahahaahha!!!

humm.. what else to say. o right. it sucks rin pala, that i am not talking to kuya jaurel anymore. well, not talking that much? hehe. ang oa ko. haha wala, conversations are nice, and random conversations make me happier! hahaha. pero, just read this nalang kuya! if ever you are reading if you still want to hear about me hehe. i'm sorry din tlaga po.>.< hehe..

anyway, i think i need to rest my eyes for a bit. it's very itchy and scratchy. tomorrow's the first day of school. yuck. haha and guess what time is it? 6 in the evening. i hate it. grr. i'm tired of working. blah. o well, have to deal with it. will watch goong again para maabsorb ang stuff. ok. goong. let's go.

why?

sometimes i wonder, why? why? why? why? so many questions, pero only a few can answer. the heart, the mind, instinct.. haay. it's been weeks na since i last blogged pala. weeks na din pala since last na mgkabati kami. we text, walang expletives nman hehe thank God. he wants me to go online, my pride and other things get in the way. is what i'm doing still right? i don't think so anymore. haay.

i was thinking of this kanina and in a way, it hit me. cguro nga, courtship /should not end with the "yes, i'll be your girlfriend/boyfriend." diba, you have to do things din nman para hindi mwala ung spark? para mgstay in love sayo ung mahal mo? maybe this may be a reason why we are this way. cguro kaya ako nghhanap ng ibang kausap kasi hindi nffulfill ung "kilig" or excitement kay red. and i don't want it that way naman huhu. i don't want the flame to die.. lam nyo ba cguro nung kkadating namin, once every two weeks mgssulat ako kay beb. ngaun hindi na. nwalan na ko cguro ng gana haha. ala lang before ako pa ung mgppilit, 'uyy beb sulatan mo nman ako hehe..' and the answer usually is, 'bat ko pa klangan mgsulat nguusap nman tau sa ym o email?' or 'hindi ako marunong mgpadala..' eh yoko nman ng pilit hehe prang pinilit k lang na sulatan ako. kaya cge, di ko na pinpaalala. pero ala lang malungkot un ha. si kat nka-two na ba sa sulat, si nikole dati ngttake ng time mgeemail parati tapos kahit sa knya nkakuha na ako ng card, pero sa mismong boyfriend ko hindi. oh well. this is what i get for having an unromantic bf hehe, i've got to deal with that kahit na ako mdyo hopeless romantic.

i just finished watching Goong/Princess Hours/Palace hehe. and it was nice naman hehe, except for ung long dragging portions in the middle.. and the annoying parts ( hoy Shin/ Chaegyung, sabihin nyo nalang kasi eh!!!). pero all in all mganda naman. it had its share of kontrabidas and bidas. weee CG (Chaegyung.. haba eh.) and Shin loveteam. haha bitin ng ending, may morning sickness eh what will happen next? ABANGAN IN A YEAR, GOONG 2 hehe. based pala on a comic series kaya hindi pa tapo shehe. prang fushigi yugi cguro, pinilit mgkaron ng kasunod hehe. anyway wala lang, ung enthusiasm ko for these things made me in a way realize something.

mali din tlaga cguro ung gnagawa ko noh? ung talking with a guy behind red's back. cncompare ko kasi eh well, comparison with koreanovelas might work haha. in Fullhouse, Youngjae always gets selos of Hanji-eun and Minhyuk when they talk and gnyan ganyan. kasi nman ang sabi nya, what is there to tell na hindi msabi ni Hanji-eun kay Youngjae. tama din nman diba. pero, sakin nman is, un nga how would i say what i want to say kung hindi nman permitted/pwede? O ito naman in Goong, Shin was selos also of Yul and CG's friendship. un the usual hehe selos selos. anyway, i guess that is just how red feels.. dun sa isang episode, Shin went to Hyorin (other girl) para prang revenge nya kay CG. oh haay i'm blabbering nlang hehe. i had another point pa sana to put pero wag nlang i'll keep it to myself hehe.

anyway, sori "blog sir" at hindi ako nkkapagpost lately. i just keep nlang whatever to myself. i don't know why. probably because ayoko na mngdamay ng ibang tao hehe. if i have a problem, akin nlang un hehe. i don't need anybody else burdened because of me.

i just realized that i haven't greeted Merry Christmas and Happy New Year pa dito sa blog. hehe see how long this quarrel has gone na? haay. kanina at work, nanghhina ako. i don't know if it's because of lack of sleep or because sobra i was thinking of red kanina. i was thinking how much i miss him na. haay. well now, 2:30 am, do you think i should still check in ragnarok if he's there? an hour ago wala xa eh. it's been awfully quiet in YM nga eh. only 3 people online in my friend's list. makes me think, may brownout kaya or internet blockage or whatever? hehe wala lang. i miss na. oh well.. maybe i'll wait another day. i'll talk to him tomorrow. i'll just peek nlang ngaun.

anyway, next week is the start of school na. in na way, i'm excited.. to study. ughh wala lang, i wish my grades were higher. goal ko this sem is probable a 3.5? pwede hehe. anyway, till here mister blog, probably tomorrow i will visit. i hope. right now, i am droopy eyed and sleepy. grr. if only hindi ako 5 natulog last night, di ako ganito ka antok and groogy. do you think blog i should talk to him? haay. i'm sleeping. anyong.

blog again.

haay i'm bored. i'm itching to talk-text red.. in other words, babaan nnaman ang pride ko, YET AGAIN, para mgbati kami. pero ewan ko ba what he doesn't understand eh. para sakin, there is nothing wrong with having guy friends. pero sa kanya, ayaw nya. sa kanya, he sees na nanlalandi na daw ako, na may boyfriend na nga ako nghahanap pa akong iba, na boyfriend na nga ng bestfriend mo aagawin mo pa. parang.. HELO?! OK KA LANG?! grrrrrr. wala lang, this has been a never ending issue. ngalit xa dati na ngeemail kami ni nikole di anong gnawa kong para hindi na xa mgalit? hindi ko na ineemail si nikole. haay. lam nyo snsabi nya kpag nkkwento ko na may nkausap ako.. "hindi ka ba makuntento? bat ang dami mong hinahanap?" grrrr. nghhanap lang naman akong kaibigan ah! porket xa wlang mga kaibigan hindi naman ako ganun. eh kasi nman xa, may barkada naman un dun eh. kahit di nya nakkasama parati, at least andun lang un. eh ako? seryoso, wala akong kaibigan dito. AS IN. and know whats holding me back? para andito lang ako, walang mga labas labas para mkausap kami ni red. haay. saya ko noh. SAYA.

i had a dream..

wala lang share ko lang. hehe prang lungkot naman.


ano daw kasi.. di prang excited daw ako tatawag ako kay kat first time daw ever since nung umalis ako. tapos un tawag ako sa cell nya. eh diba kapag international calls, prang unknown number sa cellphone. di un. tapos sumagot si kat. tapos ang bati daw.. bsta hindi ako. jaurel daw haha. so binaba ko nlang. sad.

hahaha. wala lang share..>.< sad padin. wala. di ko pa nkkausap si red. xmas na halos. haay. wala akong mkausap. kaya... hello internet. hello tv. helo dvd. hehe wala lang, di ko na nggamit laway ko nga. ever. grrr.

Merry Christmas everyone.

whatever nalang haha.

haay. i am really not in the mood. wait. hindi ba yan opening sentence ko din the last post? haha. wala kita nyo na, wala tlaga haha it's been in my head na for days. i'm not online sa ragnarok. galing nga noh i didn't go to work, di din pla ako mgoonline. wala lang. hindi kami mgkasundo ni red. oohh joy. malandi daw ako eh. haha. saya. oh well.. WHATEVER.


i don't know where this "whatever" attitude came up. haay haay. and i know it's not good. wala lang, it's my way of brushing off kng msaktan ako, yoko mgpaaffect. kaya, whatever. haay. hindi ako pnapansin? ok cge whatever attitude ulit haha. it does work.. in a way. haay.


i had a dream kanina, forgot what it was about. oh right i remember na. ewan ko kng sino ksama ko bsta ngddrive daw, tapos npadaan kaming dasma village. cguro taga-CSA pa ko nun. anyway, sbi ko, dyan skul ko! tapos nglakad daw kami papasok.. ung ksama ko na not from there pinapasok. tapos ako, ang sabi, hindi na daw ako student dun. prang ano?! eto nga ID ko oh. tapos tingnan nung guard. may tiningnan sa listahan. pinunit. ouch. sabi ko waa anong problema. sabi nya, hindi ka na nga studyante dito. di pmasok na daw ako. nkita ko si ms pagtakhan. tapos tinanong ko, miss bat hindi na ako student daw sabi nung guard. ang sabi ni miss, iddrop na daw ako kasi hindi ako ngaattend ng school. prang ako ano?! tapos un iyak daw ako ng iyak ng iyak.
wala lang weird hehe. whatever.


haay i hate pride lam mo un. i hate it but i can't run away from it. why is it na ako ung nghhintay na pansinin ako ni kat? hehe bat hindi ako ung mgkusa kasi ako nman ung may gustong mkausap xa? oh well.. pride ang tawag dun. blah. i not mad at anybody don't get me wrong. it's just un nga haha nghhintay lang mpansin. hehe. sabi nga ni red kpag cguro ngganito ako, tumigil ka na nga sa arte mo. hehe maarte ako.

haay, i really miss..

hehe i just got off talking with red.. addict mode kami kasi hehe 3x eh which doesn't happen often. ang galing nga eh, when i slept 76 lang ako hehe pggising ko 80 na.^_^ anyway, wala lang.. even if mtagal na kami and all, i still feel the love.. lam mo un, alam ko na ung mga nrramdaman nya hehe. minsan, we say the same things.. true nga cguro ung telepathy hehe. i wish it was, so that he would know how much he means to me. lam mo un knina nga nung ngbbye na kami, wala i can't help but reminisce and be sad. sabi ko sa knya, lam mo beb sanay na akong sa isang side parati ng bed nkahiga hehe.. kasi when we embrace at mglakad, ganun.. bsta hehe long story. it's not obvious na miss ko xa noh? hehe wala lang, i really do, honestly.

i miss kat too.. i haven't been talking to her lately hehe wonder why? wala lang sometimes, ngoonline ako sa ym, and if you know me, that doesn't happen pretty often hehe. wala lang, just to see if she would notice. pero.. haha it's okay i guess... no big deal... hehe minsan i think, haay i miss the times when we were both boyfriend-less hehe. nung we weren't concerned about how we looked and nung wala, masaya hehe. sometimes i wonder, would kat still be the old running about, pinching and shrieking girl i knew from before? humm.. i don't know hehe. pero sabi nga ni kat, people change. maybe she still is that girl, except in high heels hehe.

BLAH.

i am not in the mood to blog lately. i don't know>.< yes i still work.. shet i got home almost 9 na today, ngencode ako ng mga codes for the new software ng company. o diba haha kala mo bigtime na noh haha wala i still get paid the same.

well as i said nga.. i haven't been in the mood lately.. ragnarok aus lang kasi red's there hehe. pero in any other way, hindi eh. uhmm.. ragnarok.. mayaman na kami medyo hehe. ang sweet hehe i thought red was only hunting for one crunch toast haha. i didn't even know what it was for eh.. tapos aww he made two para pareho kaming meron.^_^ hahaha ang cute nga namin astig hehe. pareho kaming nkalion hat and crunch toast^__^ hehe.^_^ grr maintenance pa.. after maintenance yes! 3x exp! haha. haay i'm pretty beat na. tired. but still, i'll wait for red hehe. i love him so much. miss him..

i passed?

hahaha. this is a very unappropriate time to blog.. nkatowel lang ako haha. yet i still blog. hehe i just checked kasi online for my grades and ung knakatakutan ko didn't happen nman pala.^_^ weee. kasi.. i forgot to submit one homework essay sa humanities and i'm scared na baka bumaba ung grade ko.. pero. aus na din.^_^ i got almost-straight Bs. hahahaha. cge na panget na B lang.. pero look on the bright side, edi unique ako wahahahah! mga kapatid kong smartypants straight As. di ako straight Bs o san ka pa hahaha.

eto grades ko..

anatomy and physiology I = B
humanities = B
intermediate algebra = A. hahahahaha.
psychology = B
composition I = B

i'm happy with it na.^_^ next semester nlang, bawi! /gg

red and i just got off from playing ragnarok.. and know what i plan to give him this xmas? haha. LOAD. haha prang ang impersonal noh? pero practical naman eh. well kasi, red only gets 150-200 pesos baon everyday. sorry na pero hard times eh. eh minus food and transpo pa dun. tapos ung natira, divide that between internet load, ragna load, cellphone load, and the occasional computer shop fees. huhu. so in a way, i'll take out the ragna load na hehe. bbili ako nung 500 peso load equivalent to 2 months oh dba di solve na xa.^_^ not everyone gets the chance to have money to spare kaya i'm just sharing diba. hahahha. saka conjugal property naman eh!^__^ wala lang sometimes i feel guilty too.. i get to buy whatever i want, pero xa hindi nga minsan kmkain just for us to talk. haay. i'm really lucky for red.. he loves me soo much.^_^ and i know that.^^ ang confident ko noh? pero that's how i feel.. i feel the love.^_^

shoot! shet.

grrrrrrrr know what time it is? yes it's 3:30 in the morning and you know what i've been up to? no, it's not studying. shit. sheett!!!!!!! i'm addicted again! argh! and it's all thanks to youtube! i love to hate you! grrrrrr!!!!!!!! i found the complete series of Full House. shet. and since i didn't get to really understand the story.. i only started watching before in the latter end na so jumbled ang idea ko of the story. shet. why now! finals week!!!!!!!!! shet. i hate it. i know, i'm bitten. i'm addicted. shet.


ahaha and instead of sleeping noh i blog about it? WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I?!?! !

koreanovela fancy!

haha. kat reminded me of koreanovelas so i thought of looking for the songs i love haha.


FULLHOUSE
here's one with the koreans actors themselves hehe.. jessie and justin haha. i like jessie.^__^ they look so sweet.^^





STAINED GLASS
this isn't stained glass koreans i don't know who they are but this is the best i could find. there are those with eric santos singing, but what the heck.. i'd rather have these koreans.^_^ no pun intended hehe. uhmm.. mas uhmm, heartfelt? hahahaha. anyway. watch.





MEMORIES OF BALI
this is the funniest-WEIRDEST ending EVER. wahahahahha can't help but laugh at this once again!! we waited so long for this and poof! they became.. koko crunch! wahahahah.

missing.

haha. i just got home from school.. another test. oh well, it was algebra anyway so, no biggie. and we stopped by the gas station where i always buy hot choco and yum yum hehe am drinking it now.^^ haay.. cold weather, hot choco in tow, loungy bed, haay hehe there's just one piece missing-- RED.

i miss his hugs and his kisses, hahaha i even miss him pinching me till i get marks! i just miss being with him.
i miss it when he wouldn't be ashamed of holding my hand, putting his arms around me even with all the people around us..
i miss it when he'd wipe my pawis away with his hanky after we cross a busy road.. i miss it when he'd bring my things and act gay-ish hehe..
i miss it when we'd share that same hanky, as he's the clean one and i'm not hehe, he always has one..
i miss it when even though he's all sweaty and i have colds, he'd give that hanky to me first and let me blow my nose.. hehehe..
i miss his smell.. huhu..
i miss the carpet..
i miss it when we're at his house and his mom would want us to stay longer and she would tease him, when he would act annoyed with his mom and whisk me away hehe..
i miss it when he's not ashamed to cry when he feels bad, and make me cry as well..
i miss it when he'd smuggle texts even though he was still answering calls back when he was working..
i miss it when he'd tickle me, hehe until i'd pinch him to stop.. i miss it when we would just cuddle and watch tv..
i miss the times when we'd sneak out, and laugh at how we didn't get caught..
i miss the times when we'd spend almost all our money playing arcade games.. especially the house of the dead.. we had so much fun..
i miss it when he'd show me new things.. introduce me to things i haven't experienced before.. like making me eat different street foods and how he was so proud coz he wanted to make me taste what he has tasted before..
i miss it when we would walk home at night.. i miss it when we look up to the sky and trace the stars.. huhuhu.. i really miss this..
i miss it when huhuhu.. that last one made me tear up..T_T
i miss the times when it was summer last year.. huhu.. i miss it.. i miss it when we went to the park and he would tickle me so much that i was almost touching the ground.. he kept on tickling but he wouldn't let me fall..
i miss the time when he made me uto-uto.. haha he does that a lot.. one time he made me roll on the ground.. ground as in a football field, and also the floor.. but the uto-uto that i am, still followed hehe..
i miss it when, with one call, telling him to come because my dad just left.. he'd drop everything and go.. huhuhu..
i miss it all.. huhu.. i was so wrapped in his love.. and i didn't even notice it huhu. i know i've hurt him so much with me leaving him.. sometimes i feel his sadness when we chat.. i feel that sometimes he crys.. haay.. sometimes he would tell me.. "beb uwi ka na huhuhu..." and all i can do is to comfort him.. to make him feel better. haay i love him so much..

i've noticed that my past few posts have all been about red and i.. haha wala lang. nothing really interesting happens here. or would you want to hear about me cramming all morning to finish my homework? thought so haha. anyway.. i like blogging^_^ this is like.. a journal online.*well it is..* i used to have one where i write to red everyday.. it's still here.. but i've ceased to write in it. haha. i don't like to write in there anymore, well if you take out those i've written before. i started it when i boarded the airport to here.. it was when i couldn't call him and i was trying SO HARD. i was bawling in there but i didn't care.. i wanted to here him.. i was so frantic.. i couldn't call his house.. i couldn't reach his cell.. he didn't respond to my messages.. it was one of the low points of my life.. really. haha i don't ever want to recall that day. but still i am hehe. kat can attest to that.. as she was the last person i got to talk to before leaving. haha i was trying so hard not to cry on the phone.. i know i was. i had that high pitched voice and i was trying so hard not to cry. even though people started to stare. i didn't care. i was just so frantic. haay. i've been so sad then, and red too said that that day was first day in his life that he cried so hard. i couldn't imagine it. haay. i want to stop now.. i don't want to cry any longer. we're happy and this is just a way of recalling, of keeping that memory alive.^^ i know red will be a part of me forever.. whether we spend it together or not.. but hopefully naman diba?^^ haay.^__^ i don't know what i did to deserve this. all these trials, sadness, joy, fear.. all these emotions rolled into one. but then, i'd go through it all again, as long i have red by my side.^__^ i love you mahal...

happy, happy.^__^

well, it's been a long time since i've been truly happy.^_^ and i can say, this weekend has been, i don't know.. happier.^_^ hehe i've just said my goodbyes to red sa thor.. and it's like 10:40 in the morning there! break nya kasi from his first class and he ran to a computer shop to chat with me.^_^ hehehe xempre, who wouldn't feel good gawin ba naman sau un noh?^_^ hehe. i'm floating right now hehe, i'm happy.^_^ i don't want to look at other people's stuff nlang because, that's theirs. WE HAVE OUR OWN LIVES, and we're happy just as we are.^_^ anyway, a day to go till our 22nd monthsary.^_^ hehe i've mentioned this to red the other day and he too can't imagine na, wow ang tagal na natin.>.< we were like both, wooooww. hahahha! wala lang, that number seems short and long in a number of ways. short kasi, ang dami na naming npagdaanan na trials and fights and lambings tapos, ganun lang pala?? haha we've been through soo much, i mean SO MUCH, in our relationship.^_^ and to think, wala pa kayong two years?! hahaha.

long naman kasi.. helo 22 months?! it's kind of, rare to have something that long for our age.^_^ and as young as we are, ganito na kami ka-committed.^_^ this is really, rare.^_^ hehehe para na nga kaming mgasawa eh hahaha! just without the papers, and the blessing, and the children, and being with each other.. but who cares diba?^_^ i just love my beb.^_^

maybe my happiness can be connected na din with the luck we had in-game.^^ yeah, we get tired of it once in a while pero helo.. haha we got a rainfall this time!^__^ this weekend we got these stuff:

a. me- skel worker card. when i thought leveling up can't get any.. "better", aha! hehe luck!^_^

b. red- army hat from an OBB. which made me want to go and bust out the OBBs myself! baka swertehin eh hahaha!

c. red (again)- just today, got two pupa cards in less than an hour!! haha!! it was sheer luck! 2m each daw isa nun eh!! woohoo! i'm gonna get better clothing now! weehee!

d. well cge both of us na pero most of it was red- red has this BRILLIANT idea hahahah. i don't know where he heard of this or what, pero he had this plan./gg he made dozens of novices and each one did the tom yum goong quest! each thing/pot was worth 5k eh we made a merchant so more than 6k each. eh multiply that by let's say, 300 tom yum goongs?? weee nka-2m din kami!^__^ hahah at first i was all grumpy pa about it. i didn't understand eh! i thought i vvend nya which i thought was not good. so un sunod sunod lang ako haha. and in the end, ako pa ngssabi, gawin natin parati!!!^__^ hahahaha.

e. hehe one thing that also made me happy/laugh/something din in game was when i bought red a bucket hat! hahahaha. wala lang i saw that it was cheap eh and it looked like ung hat nya before nung myaman pa xa sa chaos hehe. anyway, so i bought it haha. sabi ko gift ko sa knya.^_^ aww.. well it's not a big thing but wala lang masaya hehe^__^. tapos ngaun lang, he gave me a ribbon. hahaha wala lang, suot ko din hehe.^_^

it's funny really how this game *ragnarok* can bring people together.^_^ I CAN'T BELIEVE I MET THIS GUY I LOVE IN THERE. haay. love moves in mysterious ways.^^ hehe. he can make me laugh out loud even though i can't hear his voice.^__^ you should hear me!! haha. i'm going crazy na.. i haven't felt happy in a long time.^_^ blooming kaya ako?^_^ hahahha. thank you ragnarok. you are heaven sent to us.^__^ you've brought two people searching for true love together. you've brought US together.^__^


i remember red and i would say this to each other before.. for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, till death do us part.. i love you.