haay.. i don't know what i'm supposed to be feeling right now.
sad? happy? humm...

i'll just talk about the happy part because the sad thing is
really... POINTLESS. again i repeat, i am happy with my relationship
with red right now. i'm here in the library nga waiting for him to
reply to my email. (haha he replyed already!^_^) kanina, i wasn't
able to talk to him that much kasi the lrt he rode daw kept on going
broke that's why he spent more than an hour in there. anyway, at
least we're talking right now.

hehe.. i'm sorry if red is all i talk about lately. it's just that
he makes me happy.. i haven't felt this way about our relationship
for a long time. that's why i'm basking in the feel of it. haay..
I HOPE SOME PEOPLE WOULD COMMENT ALREADY EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T
LIKE THE PERSON OR SOMETHING IM TALKING ABOUT. haha..

humm.. i think i've exhausted the topic about red already so i'll
talk about something else. humm.. college life. nothing great about
it like what i read from others. well, for me it isn't. might
be because i'm in a foreign land. haha.. ala lang it's really
different when you're here. it's just too.. serious. maybe i'm
just not used to this kind of thing. I'LL GET USED TO IT. hehe..
what's bumming me out pa is that i don't go with anybody. i mean,
no one. no one to sit beside in class.. during lunch.. talk to..
no one. haha.. anti-social ko noh? ala lang hehe.. at least during
the free time that i DO have, i get to talk with red.

psychology class was.. boring today. humm.. i guess i learned
something. TIGER WOODS' WIFE BOUGHT A LABRADOODLE. ohh joy. i had
to fight myself from closing my eyes. haha sorry to the person
behind me as i was shifting all over the place.

haay.. ok something's GOT TO BE WRONG with me. ala lang haay..
i just don't want to mention it because it's just.. URRRGHH!!
why can't i stop myself?? that's why i'm trying to detach myself
from the thoughts so that i won't feel this way. BUT STILL, it's
there!!

haay.. i just want things to be normal. bye...

POSTING YET AGAIN.

hehe english was so fast.. like 20 minutes long. we only had
a diagnostic test and that was it. no checking or whatever. hehe
great. haha i devized (sp.) a schedule already haha so that i
could talk with red. ^_^ every break i just head on down to the
library and then we would go and exchange emails.^_^ haha and
it's working really well. hay i don'w know.. i just feel really
good about our relationship now. i hope this lasts.. forever?
I HOPE.^_^

humm.. i've got nothing much to write about anyway.. nothing
really important. haha and i also thought of what to give
red on his birthday already. well sort of. last sunday, me and
my mom went to old navy (w/ yado.) and i was really planning
on buying red new stuff. t-shirts.. a bag.. rubber shoes.. that
kind of stuff. well i told my mom that and she said that
shipping for something that heavy was going to be likely VERY
EXPENSIVE. almost or more than the items itself. so she
suggested why don't i let somebody buy red's present from
there. why don't i just remit money so that i could save money?
then we thought, why not a gift certificate?? but i was
hesitant at first because it seemed impersonal and i wanted
something that i really thought of. so then i remember the
online gift giving service.. like cakes delivered straight to
their house on his birthday talaga! soo that got me hyped!
so that's the gift certificate to nike or SM and that gift thing!
i was so excited that i wanted to buy the present right then
and there!

oh well haha.. isn't i obvious that i'm in love?^_^ i feel like
i'm in love all oover again. wishing i'd have my prince
charming beside me soon. love him.

EVERYTHING IS RIGHT.. FOR NOW.

haay.. everything is well and blissful for me and red right now.
we talked for a couple of hours yesterday and we fixed it.. sort
of. well, i can't complain much haha. it's just i love him so much
and i wouldn't want anything wrong to happen. after that talk, ala
lang he's become more open na hehe about school and such. kasi
prang sinabi ko sa knya, the reason why tumagal ung kwentuhan namin
ni nikole(which is somehow true.) kasi kapag kay red ako mgkkwento
ng mga bago kong naeexperience dito, he would say, 'o cge buhay
mo yan..' or something that would just blow me off. kasi prang
he connects me being happy as a sign na hindi ko na daw xa iniisip
which is so not true. kaya in a way, oo nga gusto ko lang naman ng
may mpagkwentuhan ng mga nraranasan ko and someone who would return
the enthusiasm.

so un hehe.. kahapon nga knwento nya sakin, na excempted na daw xa
sa algebra midterms nya kasi almost perfect na nya ung practice or
something before. tapos lahat daw ng mga un, almost perfect din.
haha ala lang, ang saya ko nung knwento nya un.^_^ kasi before i
would ask him, anong ngyari sa skul.. and all he would say is, wala
naman. hehe.. I'M SOO GLAD WE HAD THAT TALK.

tapos sinabi ko na ung totoong schedule ko sa kanya, which is i would
still work while studying and he was ok with that! haha!! ang saya ko
talaga! xempre andun padin ung, beb pede wag ka nlang pasok kahit
friday lang? pero in a malambing way hehe.. tapos sinabi ko na din
na ung sabi ko before na xmas ako uuwi sinabi ko ngiba ung plano, na
summer nlang. of course he was a bit sad, dissapointed.. pero at least
he wasn't all MAD about it. he was even, eh ako kaya kelan ako mkka-
punta dyan? ^_^ *blushing.

right now, i am blissful. i feel IN LOVE all over again. i hope this
feeling won't go to waste.

haha.

haha i was just taking pictures for kat to see and saw that i
looked good in one of the pics. i can't believe i'm getting
vain. ugghh..

YET AGAIN.

i'm here again. haha i imagine that i will write in this blog almost
daily now. know why? because i am using edison resources pretty much.
they've got over 50 workstations here and even booths with tvs so that
students wanting to watch a video or something can easily view it.
i've been to my psychology class already. blah blah.. but i was really
listening this time. IT'S INTERESTING. haha. my passion for learning
is now reborn. I WILL STUDY.

i guess college here is really different from the philippines. here,
it's serious-i don't care if i don't know you-come to school if you
want chewchew. haha i was suddenly thinking.. i want a CAR. haha..
wishful thinking. *_*

hay.. i'm trying to avert my attention from RED. hay. he got mad at
me this morning. know why? because he found out that i was emailing
nikole. grr. HE IS REALLY OVERPROTECTIVE, UNTRUSTING, POSSESSIVE. hay..
i don't know how long this is going to go on. why won't he trust me.
well i guess i have a problem on my part too.. i should have told him
long ago. but then i know that he wouldn't approve of me emailing him.
he doesn't want me talking with any other guy. he doesn't even want
me to approve testimonials from other people for crying out loud! haha
am i really this desperate? obssessed? attached? i think i am. hay.
i've come to be attached to him so much and i don't want to lose him
despite this setback.

i love him. but.. is love enough?

i'm going to class in a few minutes.. got to get ready. bye bye.

am currently in edison library. haha ganda ng first day ko noh.. one and a half
hours late! haha! hindi na ako natuto haha hangang college ba naman! but first
day naman so medyo excusable.^_^ know why i jot soo late and lost? first..
forget my schedule at home so i had to like go on a computer and print one. then..
my edison portal password got blocked haha because of the number of times
i attempted to login.. THEN, i had to wait like 30 or so minutes on the
freakin' phone for the operator to give me a change password... AND then..
the edison internet network was SUPER, SUPER slow that i couldn't get on the
network.. had to wait like another hour to get on.. and when finally i gave
up, i figured, why not go to the admissions counter to get my schedule? so
after that, was i able to get my schedule! waaaaaa!!!!!! i was the last one
in class.. good thing the professor didn't pay that much attention to me.

AND the professor! well she's not bad, she's nice i tell you. but the
problem is, she's like european with a deep, DEEP accent that i hardly
understand. haha. i met a person. (duh.) his name is james.. and he's
pretty helpful.. haha small world kasi sabi nya prang he's seen me before
di tnanong nya if i worked. di sabi ko oo tapos sinabi ko florida aluminum
and steel haha tapos kilala nya ung isang guy dun! ewan ko ba kung dun nya ako
nkita pero ala lang haha kilala nya ung mga kilala ko hehe. ANYWAY.

so here's today's summary of events. badly missed red today hay. saw so
many couples.. holding hands.. kissing.. (kinda freaky.) you know, 'couple'
stuff. ala lang, wished he was there. wish i had someone to hold hands with
too. miss him SOOO much.

i missed kat too... huhu if she were here, at least i'd have someone
to get lost with. i know we'd be laughing about the whole thing afterwards..
but NO. she wasn't here so she wouldn't know. hay... sana andito nlang xa..


hay.. eto on a good note.. humm.. project runway mamaya. WEE. i missed
last week's episode so i got some catching up to do.

i love my loved ones. duh.

it's 3:30 in the morning.

it's 3:30 in the morning and i'm still awake. wee i'm using my
laptop already.. haha sorry for the over-excitement over this
piece of stuff lately, it's just i'm not too rich to like actually
encounter this on a regular basis. anyway..

hay i can't sleep kasi ala lang.. i don't know. many things..
i can't sleep because i left red back there in MU. ala lang i
felt REALLY bothered because i asked him, how many have you
smoked today? he said 4. i was like.. you woke up two hours
ago and ALREADY you smoked that much. tapos he was calling
me 'hoy' pa.. ala lang dati kasi he kept on getting mad at
me when i called him hoy.. insulting daw kasi may name naman
xa, his parents never used that on him, so on and so forth.
tapos xa, to use it on me, aus lang?? i wouldn't mind it naman
kung ako lang eh, pero ala lang if that is how he sees it
sana naman he show the same respect na snhow ko by not calling
him 'hoy.'

i'm really bothered by the smoking. he says na he consumes
10 sticks a day tapos nililimit na daw nya un!! para sakin
that's much! isa pa nga lang warning na sakin eh. limit na
sa lagay nya ung 10?? not for me! kung para sa mga smokers
konti na un, pero ayoko nun eh. ayoko nga xang umiinom or
whatever eH! call me a strict girlfrend pero ganun eh.. i
care!

hay some other things are bothering me.. pero for now they
are for private bothering only haha! la lang.. i feel DOWN.
so down and low.

bye.

i am so loving technology right now. haha. i'm currently texting
red and kat from the PC! woohoo! thank you CHIKKA! this is my
before-i-go-to-sleep post soo i'm making this short.

grrr... this afternoon, the mailman from UPS came already and
he had my laptop right there. but then because my mom wasn't
here, he didn't give the package!! MY LAPTOP WAS THERE IN FRONT
OF ME AND HE TOOK IT AWAY!!! grrrr.. oh well, i'll get it
tomorrow. but i wish i could have gotten it NOW! i'm so impatient
hehe..

oohh i forgot about some of the pictures red sent me one time
hehe stumbled on it just now and just want to share a few here..


"what are YOU looking at huh?!"


"smile for the camera, baby."


"i love my babuy so much. haha."


la lang haha just found out the EASY way to post pics. haha been
having a hard time all this time and it was as easy as THAT. oh
well hehehe.

it's already past 12am and i have to wake up like a little after
4am!! got to sleep already.. hay love my babuy.. with a heavy heart
i have to bid goodnight to him already. BOOHOOO. well on a
positive note, i'll wake up to him later! haha..

GOODNIGHT TO ALL!!

BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP.

hehe. pahabol lang. was about to sleep.. just going through the
email and YM checking for anything new when an interesting email
caught my attention. I usually don't read ALL the emails from the
choir group coz most of it are forwards soo it just keeps on
repeating and repeating. BASTA ANYWAY, here's that interesting
read i was talking about. read, enjoy and think.




If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a
two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.


so there. just thought of sharing it. GOOD NIGHT TO ALL. AUF'D.

DONE EATING.

i'mma done eating! hehe tuloy ang kwento! soo un creepy americans.
i felt scared. hay sana andun beb ko nun to protect me and to
drive those people away. i don't want to tell red about these
incidents because i know how he will react. HE WILL GET MAD. yes,
i know the question bothering your(reader) mind, BAKIT NAMAN NOH?

the answer is.. he will get mad that he wasn't there. he'll get
mad at himself. he doesn't say these things out loud but i know
this is what he feels. pero alam nyo namang mapride ung babuy na
un kaya he won't show that weakness. INSTEAD, he will blame ME.
prang na-psychoanalyze ko na yan eh... (whoa, psychologist na pla
ako!) I KNOW HIM ALREADY. i know his attitude. HE DOES NOT LIKE
SHOWING HIS WEAKNESS. hay..


some things are best left unsaid.

UNEXPECTED THINGS.

haha i got a surprise this afternoon. wasn't expecting anything
really. uhmm.. i was walking to check if we've got any mail or
whatever and when i opened the mailbox, there was this one postcard,
just one, no other mail in the mailbox, and guess who it came from?
wahahahha NIKOLE!! hahaa TOTALLY unexpected! grabe npasmile ako
nun ha hehe can't help but feel happy because wow i got something!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU NIKOLE!^_^

ok so that's the happy part haha. here comes the scary, creepy. i
am now scared to be alone..(haha exxag! basta takot ako!)
yesterday afternoon, past 5 na ata sa office tapos may ngaapply na
two na guys sa lobby. eh prang ako lang ung tao dun.. waaa they
were like, checking me out!!! waaaaaaa!!!!!!! tapos eh tapos na
sila mgfill out ng application nila so tnawag ako, 'hey shorty,
who can we give this to? can we give it to you?' so sabi ko naman..
'i can give it to my mom if you want.' (with emphasize sa MOM.)
di sabi nila, sure. di kinuha ko diba.. tapos pahabol nung isa, 'hey
you look cute by the way.' errrwwww... ayaw! haha after that ngtago
ako sa office ng mom ko, not going out until mkaalis ung dalawa haha!

then THIS was the really scary part of my 24 hours. ung khapon mdyo
okay pa kasi sa office un ng mom ko, kilala ko ung mga tao, so if
anything happened, i can just yell and i'm sure naaman someone would
come to the rescue. pero kanina, we went to this store to buy shorts
for my brother.. eh so tapos tingin tingin lang ako prang guard ko is
down coz it's a store naman eh.. eh as i was walking around, merong
creepy (as in!) na prang knausap ako ung prang bmulong.. ndi ko main-
tindihan snsabi nya bsta it made panic signals go off right away.
ung nkakatakot pa, di dumikit ako sa mom ko.. nkikita ko ung guy
umiikot ikot dun sa may rows around us looking at me! nung isang
time pa nga ngwwhistle xa ng malakas, prang trying to get me to
look his way. no way!!!!!

oh well, got to eat first. post again LATER.<3

ME AND MY IMAGINATION.

haha oo kat you were that boyish before!^_^ sad to say pero oo!
hehe.. kaya nga nkakalungkot na ngaung ngging girly na ang aking
bestfrend dun nman ako wala. grr. life sucks.

aba grabe noh dito na ako mgkkwento kay kat haha open letter
para kay kat haha. eh take any option eh so here's mine. oh well
so ano nga ung kwento ko?? OMG kat hehe kanina naexcite ako noh
kasi nasabi ko sa momy ko na pupunta kayong states next year..
sabi ko nga na sinabi ko na dito ka pmunta sana or sa san francisco
ako hehe. so UN. tapos sabi ng mom ko kat! hehe.. kung dito ka daw
pmunta ung gagastusin mo nlang daw ung airfare at ung mga pang-
shopping shopping mo hehe samin na daw lahat ng food.. achu-chu!
O DIBA?^_^ hehe. tapos biglang naisip ko.. cguro by that time
may driver's license na ako..(hindi ako confident diba?^_^) so what
if mgdrive tayo papuntang orlando! wooohoo! ung tayong two lang! road
trip na tayo lang haha! ala lang ideas lang naman hehe. tapos eto
pa.. sabi ko kasi sa mom ko na plano nyong mgpunta ng las vegas and
hawaii.. eto ang ilang cons nun para sa inyo..

a.) lahat ng galaw nyo dun gagastos kayo kung wala kayong kakilala
or kamaganak dun. hotel, kotse or taxi, pagkain.. diba? eh lalu
na hawaii un xempre tourist destination kaya mahal lahat dun!
(same with las vegas na din un!)
b.) uhmm hehe hindi ko na alam un lang naalala ko heheh!!

soo un. tapos ito pa pala hehe sinuggest ng mom ko!!! na medyo naexcite
ako! hehe.. kasi ang san francisco at florida mgkabilang dulo ng
america daw so ung airfare to and from is like $500 roundtrip. eh sabi
ng mom ko what if sa gitna tayo mgkita? like new york! haha! may tito
pa ako dun so may titirahan na tayo!^_^ hehe sabi nya na kapag
pmasok ung tito and tita ko to work in the morning, sabay na daw tayo
(sa suburbs nga lang sila so 2 hours to and from sa city talaga.) tapos
un magikot ikot daw tayong two hehe. ala lang exciting.^_^

grrrr ang dami kong plano noh hehe sana nman may matuloy kahit isa!^_^
soo in summation eto ang mga options..

a.) isa nyong stop mo is dito sa florida. libre ka na sa mga food
mo hehe tapos mgdrive pa tayo papuntang orlando! themeparks
galore un hehe.
b.) ako punta san francisco hehe pede din naman haha.
c.) tayong two puntang new york na tayong two lang haha! adventure!


so ala lang hehe excited nanaman ako hehe. wala lang hoping to get
to spend some time with kat haha! miss you kat!^_^

DARN SEASON FINALE.

what a finale! gawd.. helo? after waiting the whole day for it
all we were gonna get was, TO BE CONTINUED.. NEXT SEASON.
what kind of an ending IS THAT! haha. i've been too caught up
with that reality show. know which one? haha.

SIMPLE LIFE, TIL DEATH DO US PART.

yes you heard me right. been watching paris hilton and nicole
richie trash a poor(well not soo poor.) family's house and
backstab each other's sorry ass. haha just found the series
amusing, if not scripted. it was just so predictable.. yah,
every episode is about the two spoiled heiresses make fools
of themselves. funny.

haha i was kinda laughing about the last episode though. haha
it was SOO scripted! hahahahha!!! paris hiring a double to
trick the family... nicole finding the double out.. using the
double to trick the whole world into believing that paris
hilton is soo pregnant.. paris rushing over in her $300,000
ferrari just to catch nicole in the act.. AND THEN.. the bomb.
ick.

now if they just finished the whole story and be done with it?

now, THAT'S HOT.

tribute to kat.

i just miss being with kat. hay. haha 4 years of having her with
me everyday.. 4 years of constant hanging out and chit-chattering..
4 years of secrets, trust, support and most of all friendship..
(actually 5 years ngaun haha.) hay she's my sister. i always wished
for a sister and i found her in Kat. she was there to protect me,
comfort me and made sure i was alright. haha i remember the times
when she was still boyish and would always say, "gusto mo upakan na
natin ha?!" hehe before i would just laugh but come to think of it
now, it was such a sweet thing. now, kat's all grown up (kind of..^_^)
and acting like a girl already and i'm really sad 'coz i'm not there
to see it. i remember when she would cring at the thought of wearing
sleeveless tops or skirts.. when she'd borrow a handbag from us
bacause she says all her bags are backpacks.. when we'd schedule
a 'kikay' day because we usually aren't kikay at all. hay i remember
all those.

i don't know why but it really hit me hard right now. kat's NOT
HERE. no ones going to wait for me by the bookstore on the first day.
no ones going to laugh at me when an 'emergency' happens. hay. i miss
all that.

haha till here muna.. got to go inside coz i am suddenly bawling out
here in the sala haha. til later.

auf'd.

BADTRIP.

i'm writing this one quick post lang before i go to work. 


I THINK I HAVE SORE EYES.  

well that wasn't what i really wanted to lash out huhu.. ung laptop
na nkita ko the other day na mura na tapos ok pa ung specs? looked
at it again yesterday and guess what? SOLD OUT.

if my parents just agreed to go. kahapon ngtatanong na nga ako diba?
pero mgaayos pa daw blahblahblah. hay.. wala na tuloy ang tagal kasi
nila eh. huhuhu.. kelan kaya uli mgkaron before ung promo period
mgend?T_T $250 din kasi ung savings dun noh.. from $600+ mgging
$400 nlang.. huhuhu.. oh well..

hay hehe trying to hide my sore eye from my mom. hehe i want to
work nga eh kasi nga lapit ng mgstart school. i'm really saving for
my trip back home. ngaun nga meron na akong considerable amount
na nasave hehe. tska bbilhan ko pa si red ng gift para sa birthday nya.
he's not a teen anymore hehe. mgging 20 na xa. so prang celebration
din un noh hehe. pero diba dapat 21?? hehe. nung isang time naisip ko
na na rubber shoes bbigay ko... pero naisip ko mabigat un sa fedex ah
hehe. i could squeeze in a lot more stuff kapag iba nlang binili ko. oh
well basta ung point, i'm saving for a nice gift for him. ^_^

hangang dito nalng hehe maliligo na ako so i could go na. hay.. late ako
ngising ngaun huhu and red isn't here anymore.T_T he waited for me
kasi sa shop lapit sa skul pa xa nglaro eh xempre he had to go home
kya ngaun pauwi xa cguro.. sa bahay na un next lalaro. sayang. pero
on the bright side maaga akong uuwi mamaya since ung mom ko may
dentist appointment. hay. gusto ko na mkausap ung babuy na un..
babuy kasi eh.^_^

oh wel.. auf'd.